You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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