I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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