Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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