Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Randomize
