well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
