Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
