Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
We need a shit load of segways right now
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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