At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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