did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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