I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
