mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
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