actually, I'm a sock model
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Randomize
