Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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