Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Randomize
