she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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