Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Randomize
