what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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