break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
