MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
