yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
sex in a hospital.. check
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
