We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
