I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
