When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
