WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
