Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
