I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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