I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
