i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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