I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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