just come out here and I will go home with you...
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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