bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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