Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
