god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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