Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
