i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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