It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
