My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Randomize
