So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
