I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
