she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Randomize
