she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
