i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I am one with the molecules
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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