i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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