If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
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