Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
