i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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