The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
