i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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