Is it normal to miss your booty call?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
