Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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