I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
